Wednesday, September 5, 2012

All grownsed up

Yup, there goes the namesake of this blog off to school. I still can't believe it. I felt sick as he was getting on the bus - there was no empty seat! But he barely batted an eye, a far cry from where we were a year ago as he would clutch John's leg as he attempted to drop P at pre-school. If we were still living in Massachusetts P wouldn't even be eligible for school this year so I did have slight pause about his readiness, being one of the youngest boys in the grade, but he really does seem ready. He got up at 6:50 on his own today, got dressed, helped with his lunch. Six years ago today we were in Childrens Hospital Boston and had just learned Cian's cancer was 'amplified' meaning a certain death at some point in his childhood. I remember wondering if he'd make it to school. If we'd have other kids. It's sometimes hard to grasp how life has changed in these six years. That I'm the same person.

So we made it to Kindergarten. And as P is only days away from turning 5, I am days into turning 40. So I'm all grownsed up too. 40 really hit me. A lot of my friends are telling me that its great, a good age to be. I actually don't doubt that. But why can't I have the wisdom and peace of 40 along with the energy and skin of 30?

It's been over a month since I last posted. I suck. But in my defense, summer got crazy after the last post. My dad was in the hospital for much of August. He is finally 'out' with his cancer diagnosis so I feel I can write about it. He was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer in October 2009 and told no one. This is what we are dealing with. I only found out at Christmas 2010 because he got sloppy and left pill bottles and his oncologist's business card out in plain sight. Or maybe he wanted to get caught. Anyways this summer he stopped eating. And the cancer got hold of most of his bones. So it became a fairly time and mentally consuming thing to deal with. We're just taking it one day at a time now. I really feel for him, it's stressful not seeing the future. Having any semblance of routine go out the window.

On a brighter note or two, Eloise is pulling herself up and trying to talk. We think she is going to bypass crawling. She has one tooth that has broken through. The other is still MIA. Like her bro Padraig, she hates food. Noel is still a menace to society. Really upset today as P left on the bus. His words continue to come fast and furious. He remains clung to John at most times which makes me wonder how we will ever get him back to daycare cos you know he really needs to get out of the house and around other kids a few days a week. Eloise too. I feel that's why P waltzed onto the bus today, he had strong socialization from the time he was one. Noel, only a small bit. Noel would rather convene with nature. Like a mountain toddler.

The only thing constant in life is change. I guess that's a theme for today.

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