snotty nosed kid

Paudie has his first cold. 5 days into daycare no less. He has been a real bear of late - mornings are the worst currently. Plus he is throwing temper tantrums. Did I mention this all started only 5 days into daycare? Sigh.

I know it's all an adjustment, for all of us. It just sucks. I guess the honeymoon period is over. Man that was quick. I worry about how he will adapt to napping and sippy cups. I am anxious that I don't know what he does all day in detail. I hate that I miss the best parts of him. Right now I might see him for a few mins in the morning (or not at all) and maybe 2-3 hours at night - and what fun hours they are. Last night there was lots of crying, screaming and throwing himself down on the ground. Good times!

I'm not going to lie. This is a shit time of the year for John and I. I'm sure the fact that we are thinking about Cian and his treatment and death are shading my feelings about daycare and Paudie's day-to-day life. That I hate that I am here at work while someone else is playing with him - but it doesn't bother him, he is quite happy. It's hard to reconcile this feeling of I'd-give-anything-to-have-Cian-back yet here I am away from my living child for 40 hours per week. And I'm not exactly saving the world or do-gooding. Today I packed boxes of tradeshow materials.

I think I need some candy or something to lift my spirits.