Dinner for two

Was what we had last night - yes, for the 3rd time in 2 years, John and I had a night out. Okay so 90 minutes out. It was our 5 year anniversary and for the past four years we have largely ignored it and laid low, but given we now have a proven/neighborhood resource for childminding, we decided dinner was in order. Paudie barely batted an eye when we left - from the front yard I tried to peer through the curtains to make sure he was okay but couldn't see a thing. Note to self: leave curtains open a bit next time. We went to a restaurant about 5 mins from our house and try as we could to extend our night out, we were home 75 minutes later. Baby steps I guess - this time two hours, next time three. But I have to say, I now know a lot more about my husband's current job. Amazing what quiet/focused time can do for information gathering.

Last Sunday we took Paudie to a memorial service for the kids that died at Children's from cancer. We went two years ago but even though I knew what to expect - god I was a mess. An utter mess. Paudie wasn't having any of the service so John had to take him out - and there I sat alone, bawling. Hysterically. I didn't see anyone else as messy as I was - but man, the heartbreak in the room was effing palpable. Cian was one of only three babies remembered that day - really striking as to how little life he got to experience. And now this weekend we have a service for organ donors - the quilt his square is on is being displayed. So another messy afternoon I am sure - but that's what October is really about anyways for us I guess. There is definitely an element of catharsis to these events - really reflecting on what happened, why, where we are now - and is it where we want to be. That is the $50, 000 question.

And in all of this Paudie remains oblivious. The clinical staff that knew us at last week's event were thrilled to meet him - genuinely happy for us. But he doesn't have a clue. I think he thinks pics of Cian are pics of him. I often wonder what he'll do in school when he is asked to draw a picture of his family. I hope he includes Cian.

Onto lighter topics - Paudie is going as a spider this year for halloween. Well, that is the costume I have for him, it remains to be seen if he really wears it. It isn't a creepy spider, but you never know with this kid what is going to spook him. While he has interest in pumpkins, store halloween displays make him cling to his dad. I am contemplating carving a pumpkin this year - we painted a small one last weekend, but I think he could be really pumped for the carving experience. It's been ages since I carved. Hmmm. I know if I do, it will turn into a thing. And toddlers and sharp implements don't mix well. Do they still sell those safety carving knives I wonder? Though I really do want to kick it old school with the kitchen knife like Barb DeLee would.