sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever...

This was taken last Saturday, a balmy 38 or so degree morning, at the Stone Zoo. Our zoo membership ends soon so we are trying to milk it for all that it is worth. My god Paudie loves the zoo. He was on a high all morning until we got there. While he thoroughly enjoyed himself, he was a bit disapointed that there was no lion at Stone. Who knew the lion was his favorite? He never really showed any affinity any of the times we have been at Franklin Park. He just kept asking for the lion over and over. Poor thing.

Paudie's high was shortlived as he woke up at 2:30 AM Sunday AM with a 103 degree fever. Sigh. He was just sick! What the hell man. Anyways this scourge that he has will not let go! He has been home all week feeling just plain lousy. He's wicked snotty and has a hacking cough. He took him to the doctor yesterday and as per usual, he was diagnosed with an ear infection. I think his 6th now. I think high fevers and ear infections are just his thing. That's all he's ever had.

I made the mistake of telling Paudie we were doctor bound before we got in the car. The tears flowed for about 40 minutes straight and he just repeated "don't wanna go" over and over and over like he was afflicted. Even in the exam room when clearly we were there, he kept saying it. I don't know when his fear of doctors is going to subside. He perked up though when John got an H1N1 shot - totally unexpected last night. He was so excited to be at his doctor's office and see John get a shot. He actually said something like, "so I'm not getting a shot? It's daddy?" Maybe that's what we needed to get us over the hump with the doctors.

Four days of being home with dad and us feeling incredibly sorry for him has meant waaaay to much tv, a late bedtime, and sweets for meals. I wonder how he is going to cope with going back to daycare. Today John took him to Home Depot which is right up there with the zoo. John said he was on fire running around the store, making friends with some of the employees. How funny that he loves that place as much or more than his father. I remember being pregnant for the first time and John saying how much he'd love to have a son to take to Home Depot. And now he has a son that wants to go to HD every day of his life. So there you go. Dreams do come true.

So that's about all that is going on. Our hibernation largely continues with the exception of hanging at the house with some friends.

Hibernation = happiness

Today's title reflects the only good thing about the first three months of the year - it's our time to basically hibernate. The bad thing is that with hibernation comes reflection and the time have to think about all the things in your life that you want to change. Someday...

The last few weeks of December were decidedly busier than I had wanted. Paudie got his H1N1 booster right before we were to leave for NY and wouldn't you know, later that day he developed a high fever and then a rash all over. Ugh. He always gets sick around our travel! I called our doc and, like I always do when I talk to him, referred to myself as crazy neuroblastoma mom. For the first time instead of laughing with me at my attempts at self-effacement, he sort of cut me off and told me I am not crazy and that the practice had recently diagnosed another child, and how horrendous it was for him to actually feel a large mass where there should be nothing. It was a strange validation I felt, perhaps in his mind. Anyways we went in to see him and though Paudie was screeching his head off (and refusing to take off sunglasses), it was the first appt we have had where the doctor talked to Paudie directly about what he was feeling. Felt like a milestone. Guess he just had some random virus and the H1N1 shot was a coincidence. Phew.

Christmas was amazing. We talked up Santa as much as we could on Christmas Eve, that he would come down the chimney at my father's house, and we left snacks. We put Paudie's gifts from us out once he was asleep, following a tradition from John's family - leaving them under his coat. He was stunned in the morning. There were about ten gifts in all from John and I - all super mundane - and he opened them like a pro in a matter of minutes. And then wanted more. He held off until my family arrived and then he dove in, assisting everyone with their opening. And asking us all to sit in a circle during the opening. He got a lot of great toys and they kept him going all week. The next morning the first thing he said when he woke up was "... presents??" and then ran back to the living room to look for more. Poor thing. Though a visit to his godmother later that day did bring with it a cool wooden bike called a Skuut. The child is so spoiled.

The rest of the week was meant to be lazy and glutonous. We did seem to excel at the gluttony, but we were definitely more busy than I had expected us to be. We saw my mom every day for a little while, even though Paudie was getting pretty vocal by the end of the week about his lack of interest in the nursing home. Luckily they have a fish tank in the foyer and that sucks him in. As do automatic doors. Went to the science museum one day as well - what primarily attracted us was an exhibit on the Titanic and artifacts - Paudie hated it. So we ran through it and I retained nothing of what I saw. But he had a blast with the rest of the museum, especially a kiddy archeological dig they had set up and all the animal replicas etc. I'd say 75% of the time he was the model child, the rest of the time was dramatic. But I guess those aren't bad stats.

Spent a lot of time with my family - Banjo was staying with my sister so we'd try to make it there every day or so for a visit. And he really didn't care very much to see us. He seemed pretty well settled in there and possibly in deep love with their much larger, calmer dog. Paudie also settled in well there. But Paudie isn't currently in the deep depression that Banjo is. Banjo doesn't have any mojo to destroy anything in our house currently. His energy is spent on longing for Foster. So all in all, it works for us. I hate to see the poor bugger so down in the dumps, but I really can't take him eating the couch or my shoes anymore.

Getting to spend 9 or so staright days with Paudie is such an amazing thing for me. I feel like I get to know him so much better. John and I agree we feel like he matured so much - the words, phrases and overall concepts he now understands are so far beyond where he was only a matter of weeks ago. I hate that I miss so much of that. It was hard to come back this time, hard to look 2010 in the face and try to get motivated. I think the New Year was particularly rough - and I never saw this coming - because of all the talk of a new decade, leaving the 2000s behind... all the news focused on all the public figures we lost in the decade. Made me think a lot about Cian - just another marker of time moving forward, us without one another.

But the fact that 2010 will (fingers crossed) bring us someone new to love and cherish is of course very, very exciting and uplifting.

So that's where we find ourselves at these days. Had amazing holidays with our friends and family, and now we don't leave the house and spend our time eating, sleeping and thinking. Lots of thinking. Until April, that is the plan.